Why I fail on Tinder

badtinderWell, it’s Friday. What a better way to waste time at work on a Friday afternoon? Tinder! My last two posts have outlined the highs and lows of my experience on this dating app. Now I just want to share some really random and entertaining things that make me laugh on Tinder.

I like humor. I’m 10X more likely to swipe right if you’re funny. But perhaps liking people with profiles like this one below is the reason my experience has pretty much sucked.

Ryan, 40. About Ryan. “My perfect date night. I pick you up in my Kia Sorento. You get in. There’s candles lit. You say, ‘isnt that dangerous?’ I say, ‘Yes, but I like danger.’ We go to your favorite restaurant and have a fantastic meal. We go outside and my car is on fire. You say, ‘Ryan, your car is on fire.’ I pull out a bag of marshmallows and say ‘I knew this was going to happen.’ Then we kiss in front of the burning car.”

This profile is ridiculous. And the fact that I like it, even more ridiculous!  And of course, we are a match!  What’s wrong with me?? Seriously!!

 

(Btw, the image included is not the same person–or you better believe we’d be making out in front of the burning car) ;)

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5 Things I’ve Learned My First Week on Tinder

tinder_matchIf you follow me, or read my last post, you know that I am very new to the dating world. I’m turned off by online dating sites-and am especially not interested in paying dating companies to exploit my single-hood. However, about a week ago I downloaded the free dating app Tinder. I did it for fun. Mostly just brush up on the latest technology for my work, blog and for future reference. Last week I wrote a post called Things I Learned My First Day on Tinder. There were several things that surprised me about the popular app, some good, some bad. Now, after a week of using Tinder- moderately, there are more things I have learned.

  1. The app has a reputation of being a “hook up” app. And although there are a lot of people that are not there to hook up. There are many that are. I have learned the factors to help you determine who is and who is not there for a hook up. No shirt photos= hook up. Pics of random body parts= hook up. Men that only message after 11pm= hook up. Men that message and call you a “Yummy Mummy” (YES! This did happen! WTF is that??)= hook up. Profiles that explicitly state “I’m here to hook up”= hook up.  Profiles that explicitly say “I’m not here to hook up”= not looking for hookup. Profiles that say “I’m not here just for hook ups”= prob would prefer hook ups.   Anyway, good information to know.
  2. Most of your matches you’ll never talk to. Tinder matches you with people who you have “liked” and who have also “liked” you. As a woman, I expect the man to be the first to reach out, so I haven’t been first to message anyone. And while I’m heard from a good variety, the majority of my matches I have never heard from (what’s the point?).
  3. Take your time! I have little patience. I get to swiping on Tinder and end up flipping through so fast I’ve let a lot of the good ones go. And they never come back!!! It’s important to take your time and make sure you don’t automatically swipe the perfect match. On the other hand..I’ve swiped too quickly and then rushed and swept right trying to get them back to only end up having “liked” a random loser in the process. Unmatch. Check.
  4. If 4 out of 5 pictures in a profile include an alcoholic beverage, there’s a pretty good chance they are, in fact, an alcoholic.
  5. And probably the number one surprise after a week on Tinder, is that I’ve met at least one person that is worth getting to know. Who’d have thought?!

I’m not sure what my future with Tinder holds, I’m getting a little bored after the initial fun, but for now it gives me really great stories to share with my co-workers who look forward to hearing them every day!!

Anyone else have any Tinder stories!?

 

Surprising Facts I Learned My First Day on Tinder

tinderUp until about a week ago, I had no idea about this “Tinder” thing. I’m not into dating, much less online dating. I’m recently out of a 12 year marriage and have no idea about the dating world today. It’s been several months since my separation and because my ex and I shared the same circle of friends, the possibility of meeting new, fun people intrigued me. I’m trying to take risks lately and do things that are out of my comfort zone. Turned off by Match.com, Plenty of Fish and the numerous other paid online dating sites, I decided what the hell, let’s check out Tinder.

To fill you in, Tinder is the straight person’s version of Grindr, a gay social networking app. I set up my profile and in a matter of minutes I was Tinder-ing. Tinder is GPS-based so it helps you connect with people in your area with similar interests to you. About 2 minutes in and I was hooked. I thought Tinder would be all youngsters and I would be the odd, older lady. But I realized that there were a ton of people my age! Even better, a ton of cute single dads!

It took me a while to get the swing of it. I consider myself to be tech savvy, and even I had to Google “how to use Tinder.” I swiped the wrong way a couple of times and got matched up with some randoms, but once I had it down, I unmatched the losers and started “liking” the hotties. Here is what surprised me…

-        There are a TON of hot, athletic guys in Canada! I live right in between Seattle and Vancouver BC, and clearly I have been venturing out in the wrong direction! The hotties are all North! I could NOT believe the cute snowboarding, hockey playing, sporty guys right at my fingertips! Note to self—next girls trip, go to Canada!

-        People post the strangest choice of photos! With the exception of my Canadian hotties with pics of catching air snowboarding at Whistler, so many people choose photos that are either not flattering, blurry, group photos where you can’t establish which guy you are looking at and even wedding pictures!   Yes, people actually post pics in their tux from their wedding. Weird.

-        People are really funny. You only have so many characters on Tinder for your profile, the best one’s I’ve seen have been super funny!!! I am 10x more likely to like a guy with a hilarious profile. The serious ones, like, “I am a tender-hearted gentleman looking for the lady of my dreams,” are stoopid! Ew, who wants an effeminate guy!

-        There are cuties right in my back yard! Overwhelmed by the hotness in Canada, I decided to zero in on the local scene. I really thought there were no single, decent guys in my town- but I may have been wrong! There are cuties that like the same restaurants as me, single dads who do fun things with their kids and lots of outdoor adventurers! Who knew!

-        It’s fun. I signed up on Tinder to familiarize myself with the app. After all, I do work in the tech field and figured I should know how these things work. I never thought it would be so much fun..or work! After just a couple hours I had several “matches” and even got messages from my cute Canadians! For someone who’s been lacking excitement in the man department for some time, it was really fun to chat with someone!

I don’t know if I’m ready to take the next step and actually meet up with one of these guys, but at least I’m putting myself out there and it really feels good for someone to call you “attractive” or “hot.” Looks like I need to shape up this mom bod and get myself back into the swing!

Why ‘Let it Go’ is my Theme Song this Year

LET_IT_GO-8551.pngIf you have children, no doubt you’ve heard the song Let it Go from the movie Frozen. My daughter has the whole movie practically memorized. Especially the songs…which there are a lot of! Normally I get really irritated hearing the same annoying songs over and over. But watching my 4 year old recite almost every word to Let it Go in Frozen makes me smile. She wears headphones when she watches it at home (we make her!) and she sings her little heart out! Cutest thing ever!

Aside from the animated fun, my life has brought about a lot of events this year-many out of my control. And, being the control freak I am, I’ve had to let a lot of things go- some harder than others, but none of them easy. Three major life events are dominating my life right now. The one that has brought the most immediate change has been the separation from my husband of 12 years. Granted, this was a welcome change, still, despite being told how much it changes your life, I was not prepared.

I’m trying my best to stay positive and embrace a new future. I’m excited about the possibilities that are ahead of me, but in the meantime there aren’t enough positive quotes on Facebook to keep on a smile every day.

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I’ve had to let go of the vision of my ‘perfect life.’ Like I said, I’m a control freak. I actually had my life planned out up to this moment. College, travel, marriage, 2 kids, home. Now my vision of our cute family of 4 on family vaca’s to Disneyland and Hawaii has been altered. There won’t be ‘our’ family sitting around the dinner table every night talking about our days. No more family road trips or holidays together. That, my friends, has been a tough pill to swallow. My vision of being the ‘perfect’ parent with a picture-perfect family is gone. I now have a new vision of my future, and I will say, despite the changes, I have all I need- 2 amazing kids.

You always hear people talk about divorce and how it affects your friendships. I had no clue how true that would be. Probably one of the hardest parts of this entire process is watching my friendship circles completely change. “They” say that during these times you really find out who your friends are- and that couldn’t be truer. Friends are put in an awkward place when 2 people divorce. Most try to stay neutral, but when push comes to shove it really isn’t possible to stay close to both. I had to accept losing a LOT of friends. I really tried hanging on- thinking my ex and I could still share the same friendship circle. I hung on even when it caused more pain than happiness to see who I thought were my best girlfriends posting pics out on the town with my ex. It actually took talking to a professional to realize I had to let it go, for my own good. Probably one of the hardest things I’ve done.

On the other hand, I do have friends that have my back. They come right over when they know you are struggling, without you even having to ask. They listen, without judgment, offer sound advice and drag you out of your hole when you are buried so deep you think you’ll never see light again. So despite losing a majority of friends, having just a few good friends in my corner has meant the world to me.

My ex and I share our kids 50/50. And the kids will often come home telling me they had ice cream for breakfast, or played video games all day—the really violent ones with guns that I hate!! But the truth is, I can’t control what the kids do with my ex. I know he’s a good father and I just have to LET IT GO..and maybe brush their teeth extra good when they are with me ;)

There have been a lot of positives that have come from this experience. I’ve learned to let a lot of things go that I thought were important, but at the end of the day, I will be fine without. I’ve created a new vision of my future and it looks pretty darn good. I’m excited about the possibilities that lay ahead for me, and while I will continue to plan, I am happy to see where this exciting life takes me! The cold never bothered me anyway!! :)

 

Top 5 Reasons Why I love the Huffington Post

In today’s world with the internet readily available at our fingertips, we have a variety of sites to choose from for news and entertainment. I visit a lot of them regularly, some for my job and some for personal reasons, but lately my favorite site for information, advice and humor is the Huffington Post. Why, you ask?

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  1. Arianna Huffington. Arianna Huffington is the mastermind behind the Huff Post..and yes she’s a WOMAN. I had the privilege of listening to her keynote speech at a work conference I attended last year and was completely in awe of what she had to say. This is a modern-day woman if I’ve ever met one (well..I guess technically I didn’t meet her, but hypothetically). Not only is she incredibly wise and business-savvy, she also has a firm grasp on the “real world.”  She realizes the struggles of working moms having to return to work 3 months after un-paid maternity leave (3 months, if you’re lucky!) and the immense strain of trying to cover the costs of childcare. She realizes that in most families, both spouses work. She knows how overworked American’s are and how much it affects our health and well-being. And she offers sections on her site that address ALL of these issues that most sweep under the rug. Here the link to the keynote speech- Ladies it’s definitely worth watching!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANCo6cBXi2I
  2. The Divorce section. I was still married at the conference last year when I heard her speak,  yet I still realized the value in having this section since so many issues for adults and children revolve around divorce. Now going through a divorce myself, I find this section to be a lifeline I don’t know what I’d do without. Everyday there are real stories from real people that understand divorce because they’ve been there. They share inspiring stories and some of the best advice I’ve gotten through this process has been from this section. Thank you to Arianna for creating this and to all the contributors that help me and so many others every single day.  (Today’s post was just what I needed).  I recommend this to anyone going through a divorce, separation or even break up.
  3. The Parenting section. If you are like me you are overwhelmed with where to go for good advice about parenting. Who can you trust and where do are they getting this information? In the parenting section of the Huff Post, there is always at least one article a day that I can totally relate to and learn from. No matter the age of my child, I get the basic, yet real advice about the real world from people who are actually parents themselves! There’s something new!
  4. Humor. There’s nothing like a funny story to cheer you up on a down day and the Huff Post Entertainment section does the trick! Funny, real stories about current events and the modern world by hilarious writers makes this section a no-brainer go-to for me.
  5. Variety. The Huff Post allows a variety of talented bloggers to contribute the different sections. Because of this, you get a variety of all kinds of personalities, opinions and views on life making it a well-rounded mix. The variety of mom bloggers are great because they address topics from all opinions and parenting styles.

No, I wasn’t paid to write this. But hey, if Arianna would like for me to guest blog I wouldn’t turn her down! :)

Things that irritate me

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I feel the need to express my frustrations and what better way than to list all the things that annoy me.  So here it is:

  • Socks with sandals
  • Underwear that ride
  • Long toe nails
  • Talking with your mouth full
  • Canadians
  • Back fat
  • The Ombre look (I though forever that Khloe Kardashian just really needed to do her roots!)
  • Close talkers
  • Texting and driving
  • The smell of the green “pine” tree car airfreshner
  • Shedding dog fur
  • Women who judge other women
  • Overly positive people
  • Overly negative people
  • Canadians
  • Beggers
  • Braggers
  • Pop up ads
  • Slow internet
  • Cigarette smoke
  • Bad teeth
  • Bad breath
  • Pumping gas in the rain
  • Umbrellas
  • PEOPLE THAT USE ALL CAPS
  • Bad grammar
  • Typos
  • Heath insurance companies
  • Passive aggressive people
  • Cleaning the shower
  • Commercials on a 2 minute video
  • Commercials that are much louder than the show
  • Email spam
  • Candadians
  • The state of our country
  • The fact that jury duty only pays $10/day
  • Extreme right wingers
  • Weeds
  • Vegans
  • Comcast
  • The stacks and stacks of paper sent home with my preschooler that only have one scribble
  • Whining (ironic!)
  • Constantly posting “selfies”
  • People that are on Facebook all day but never post anything
  • The way white wine tastes after it’s been open for over a day
  • And last but certainly not least- Cancer!

Ahh..I feel better! What did I miss??

Confessions of a 37 year old

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It was just my birthday. Holy sh*t I’m getting old! It’s been- well, a year filled with highs and lows. Some by choice, some not. But I did get to celebrate my birthday in style with a group of great girlfriends , a road trip and a super fun resort in Portland, Oregon. McMenamins- my new happy place. A little piece of heaven on earth. My friend Amber kept referring to the trip as my “vision quest”- which I found to be hilarious but actually true. I needed to get out of town, and I needed to come to terms with some things in my life.
Several months ago my husband of over 10 years and I decided to split. I guess it was a long time coming when I look back. We started drifting years ago, and we finally got to the point where we realized we weren’t doing our kids any favors by staying together. I’m sure you’ve heard of Gwyneth Paltrow’s announcement of her and Chris Martin’s “conscious uncoupling.” I don’t like Gwenyth—I think she’s completely wrong about working moms, and I think her extreme diets are ridiculous- but I guess in a way my ex and I consciously un-coupled. There was no drama. No lying or cheating. We simply grew apart and decided to end it before we ended up hating each other. Being civil during this time has been a blessing. It’s made this whole process easier on both us and our kids. There are no bad words being said about the other spouse, we split things 50/50, and most of all there is peace in our home- finally. I admire and respect my ex very much. I know we will remain friends for life. I couldn’t have hand-picked a better father for our children. I know that we will be great co-parents and, long from now, we will share a dance at our children’s’ weddings.

Despite the somewhat smooth transition, splitting up your family is never easy. There were, and still are, times when I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. We still have to bicker about household things like finances which is never fun. And most of all the vision I had for my future is now altered. During my “vision quest” I came to terms with the fact that we need to sell our beautiful family home. There is no way I can afford it myself and sharing just isn’t an option. I also had to let go of the vision I had for my future. But I also realized that I can now start to write the next chapter of my book of life—and it starts now.

I also had to come to terms with another big change. My dad, who I love and cherish with all my heart, has recently discovered that his cancer has returned. This time—it’s not going away. I’m a daddy’s girl. My dad has been the man in my life for 37 years. My rock. A man I admire and respect. And now, shortly after losing my husband, I face losing my dad. It’s easy to fall into the rut of “it’s not fair.” “Why can’t this happen to a deadbeat dad instead?” “Why now?” But during my trip I realized that life isn’t fair. And you can’t change what you can’t change and must instead rise to the challenge and accept it. Accept it and live- live every moment. Life is short.
I wasn’t exactly happy to turn another year older- especially after injuring my foot to the point of immobility and feeling every bit my age. But I’m not going to focus on the negative. I’m going to appreciate my health and embrace happiness. Life is too short to live one day not being happy. I’m going to deal with reality with my head held high and forge ahead. I finally realize I have everything I need to be happy –right here, right now.

My dad is here now—and I plan to enjoy every moment I can with him. I will get my own place, even if it’s small, it will be mine. I can decide how I want to spend my free time. And I can now start living a life I’m proud of. The message is this—don’t wait. If you’re not happy make a change, as scary as it is. We learn from change and we grow from challenge. Wish me luck!

Why I like Keeping up with the Kardashians

ImageA lot of you have given me shit for liking the reality TV super-fam Keeping up with the Kardashians.  All I’ll be honest, I was NEVER interested in the show.  I was forced into watching and I was instantly annoyed by them all.  It wasn’t long, however, until I was sucked into the drama.  And now, I’ll admit, “My name is Erin, and I like Keeping up with the Kardashians.”

I’m not going to explain myself.  If you really want to know why I like them, read this and this.  But I have a new respect now.  After watching this seasons premiere I have a lot of respect for Bruce and Kris Jenner and the decision they made to end their relationship.

Trust me, I was as broken up as anyone after the hearing the news of the split!  I love them together..although it was starting to be pretty apparent things weren’t working.  I was equally (if not more!) upset with the Khloe and Lamar split..but I can’t really relate to that situ (thank God!).

Here’s the deal. Things are unconventional these days.  Because, the conventional ways..well, they aren’t really working, are they??  So people have kids before marriage, and married couples can separate without the huge battles, and gay people can marry, and the  lawsuit drama that most people think is divorce, doesn’t have to be.

Here’s what a civil break up can look like.   It looks like mom praising dad’s name rather than shit talking- and vice versa.  It looks like kids making a smooth(er) transition and parents staying friends.  It is possible to maintain? That is yet to be determined.  But for now it seems this is a good choice for the Jenner’s and for my friends in the same boat.  (Minus the billion-dollar empire.)

Look people, it’s no surprise that marriages end..it’s reality.  But how you handle it, can make a world of difference, especially to the kids involved.   Isn’t this what adults should do??  Don’t get me wrong.  I know for  a lot of you, this isn’t possible because feelings are hurt and money is involved or whatever.  But ending it before you hate eachother?  Sounds like a good option.

BTW..Brody Jenner is HOT!  Just sayin..

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Cheers!

Never underestimate the support of friends and pets

ImageOver the past several months my household has gone through, well, a transition.  Suddenly that free time I couldn’t get enough of…has been replaced with an incredibly quiet house and way too much time to think.  The change is good…but it sure is different.

You know that saying, “Misery loves company?”  Well..it’s true.  But not because you want others to feel miserable..but there is something about having others who relate to your situation that is incredibly supporting.  In come friends.  Wonderful, supportive, encouraging friends.  I don’t know what I would do without them.  Unlike a “relationship” where It’s scary to be vulnerable and truly honest because you’re not sure if you will be accepted..with friends, you’re always accepted.  As fucked up and crazy as you might be, true friends understand.  Friends listen, they don’t judge, they empathize and they support.  And during your lifetime, there are some times you really need that more than others.

friends 6But even those times when you don’t need it, when life is good and you have no complaints, it’s easy to take friendships for granted.  Life gets busy and sometimes it just feels easier to try to deal with things on your own than put effort into friendships.  But let me tell you, during these “easy” times, don’t forget that real friendships need to be nurtured, and if you neglect that, you may be left on your own during the really tough times when you need friends the most.

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In that same busy lifetime, it’s also easy to take your pets’ unconditional love for granted.  They can be annoying and the last thing you want to deal with after a busy day.  But let me tell you, when you come home to a big, quiet house all to yourself, and your dog and cat are there waiting to love you, it’s so wonderful.  Lately I don’t know what I would do without my pets.  They can’t talk, they can’t empathize, but they never judge.  And they are always there for you.  And there are times when a wagging tail can be the best part of your day!

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The moral of the story is this…life is great and you only live once.  Don’t settle for unhappiness.  But don’t forget that there may be times when you really need support.  Don’t wait for those times to nurture your friendships, because if you do, you might not have their support when you really need it.  And as annoying as pets can be…cleaning litter, scooping poop, schlepping around 30 lbs bags of dog food…their unconditional love is priceless!

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And thanks to all my wonderful, loyal followers who listen to my stories without judgement and allow me to be me!  Love you all!!  Cheers!